Does your child have yo-yo self-esteem?

Posted on Mar 10, 2016 in Coaching tips for parents | 0 comments

Does your child have yo-yo self-esteem?

Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall with the grades she makes? Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall depending on who played with him at school that day? Does your child’s self-esteem crumble if he makes a mistake? If so, then your child is suffering from yo-yo self-esteem — self-esteem that rises and falls with the ups and downs of life. How kids feel about themselves often depends on what is going on in their life – what is going on outside of them. However, powerful self-esteem isn’t based on what is going on outside of you (what is happening in your life). Powerful self-esteem is based on what is going on inside of you — who you are and how you think about yourself. When kids base their self-esteem on “who they are” then their self-esteem can remain intact no matter what is going on in their lives. So if your children have yo-yo self-esteem, how do you help them shift from external focus to internal focus? Here are the first three of six tips for helping your kids develop solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life: 1. First talk with them about what self-esteem is. Teach them that self-esteem is based on who they are, not what they do. 2. Second, teach them how to separate the results of an event from who they are. For example, if they fail a test, that is just an event – something that happened. Just because they failed a test, doesn’t mean they are a failure. It just means they didn’t learn the material well enough to get the right answers on the majority of the questions – that’s it. Let your kids know that it’s OK to feel down; however, there is a difference between feeling down about a bad grade and feeling down on yourself because of a bad grade. Help your children understand this distinction and their self-esteem will flourish. 3. Third, teach them about the dangers of comparison. When kids compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as “better than” or “less than” another, they are looking externally to determine how to feel about themselves. This sets them up for yo-yo self-esteem because they will feel good about themselves whenever they see themselves as “better than” another and they will feel bad about themselves every time they see themselves as “less than” another. This not only devastates self-esteem, but also creates jealousy, resentment, and a belief system of “not good enough”. Unfortunately self-esteem isn’t something you can give your kids; however, it is something you can teach them to develop in themselves. Start today by sharing these first three tips with them. In the next article we will cover the last three tips. With love and blessings Teresa da Silva -Certified Wisdom Coach   Copyright © 2011 Renaye...

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Does Your Child Have Yo-Yo Self-Esteem?

Posted on Mar 10, 2016 in Coaching tips for parents | 0 comments

Does Your Child Have Yo-Yo Self-Esteem?

  Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall with the grades she makes? Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall depending on who played with him at school that day? Does your child’s self-esteem crumble if he makes a mistake? If so, then your child is suffering from yo-yo self-esteem — self-esteem that rises and falls with the ups and downs of life. How kids feel about themselves often depends on what is going on in their life – what is going on outside of them. However, powerful self-esteem isn’t based on what is going on outside of you (what is happening in your life). Powerful self-esteem is based on what is going on inside of you — who you are and how you think about yourself. When kids base their self-esteem on “who they are” then their self-esteem can remain intact no matter what is going on in their lives. So if your children have yo-yo self-esteem, how do you help them shift from external focus to internal focus? Here are the first three of six tips for helping your kids develop solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life: 1. First talk with them about what self-esteem is. Teach them that self-esteem is based on who they are, not what they do. 2. Second, teach them how to separate the results of an event from who they are. For example, if they fail a test, that is just an event – something that happened. Just because they failed a test, doesn’t mean they are a failure. It just means they didn’t learn the material well enough to get the right answers on the majority of the questions – that’s it. Let your kids know that it’s OK to feel down; however, there is a difference between feeling down about a bad grade and feeling down on yourself because of a bad grade. Help your children understand this distinction and their self-esteem will flourish. 3. Third, teach them about the dangers of comparison. When kids compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as “better than” or “less than” another, they are looking externally to determine how to feel about themselves. This sets them up for yo-yo self-esteem because they will feel good about themselves whenever they see themselves as “better than” another and they will feel bad about themselves every time they see themselves as “less than” another. This not only devastates self-esteem, but also creates jealousy, resentment, and a belief system of “not good enough”. Unfortunately self-esteem isn’t something you can give your kids; however, it is something you can teach them to develop in themselves. Start today by sharing these first three tips with them. In the next article we will cover the last three tips. With love and blessings Teresa da Silva -Certified Wisdom Coach   Copyright © 2011...

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What type of grownup do you want your child to become?

Posted on Mar 5, 2016 in Blog, Coaching tips for parents | 0 comments

What type of grownup do you want your child to become?

What type of grownup do you want your child to become?   I was asked this question several years ago and it was a very powerful question for me so I wanted to share it with you. Like you, I was already an engaged and connected parent; however, taking a few minutes to actually write down my vision for my kids enabled me to see areas where I was spending a lot of time and areas where I wanted to focus more. Although we can’t guarantee how our kids will “turn out”, every interaction we have with them does shape their lives – especially when they are young and their core thoughts and belief systems are being formed. I would like to invite you to spend about 10 minutes today thinking about this question and creating a vision for your parenting if you don’t already have one. As part of the exercise, you may want to use the “Balance Wheel”. The Balance Wheel is a coaching tool that is used to assess various areas of your life for balance – emotional, social/community, spiritual, occupational/school/financial, mental, physical, family, and recreational. Depending on your children’s ages you may even want to share your vision with them — sharing your vision can help them understand why you make the decisions you make (such as why you don’t buy them a toy every time you take them to the grocery store, why they have household responsibilities, or why you don’t serve cookies for dinner).       Have fun with this exercise. P.S. Invite your spouse to go through the exercise as well. You may be surprised! Teresa da Silva – Certified Wisdom Coach     Copyright © 2011 Renaye Thornborrow, AdventuresinWisdom.com. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission from Renaye...

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